User blog:Jackythejack/Kids on Melancholy Hill: Noodle vs Gluk’oza
Music is a beautiful thing A form of medium that can surpass the barriers of language and even culture. However, the people who make the music can be just as special. Today, we take a look at two of the deadliest musicians we can find, that aren’t entirely fictional. Noodle; The former Japanese super-soldier test subject turned guitarist of the British band Gorillaz. vs. Gluk’oza; The Russian pop artist who can fight threat after threat, and can still manage to drop a beat in the process. Noodle |-| Noodle/Bio= Looking at Noodle, you wouldn’t expect much but a Japanese immigrant who had became the lead guitarist of the virtual band Gorillaz. You would, however, be sorely mistaken. Noodle is far more than just a girl with a guitar. Back in the 90s, Japan was starting to perform experiments, taking a group of 23 children and putting them through a super-soldier training program. After deeming the children far too dangerous to put in actual combat, the project was terminated and the children needed to be eliminated. However, upon eliminating the 22 children, Mr. Kyuzo, the one who was in charge of the project, couldn’t find it iin him to kill Noodle. So, at the age of eight, Noodle would have Her memory wiped from the project in its entirety and be put in a FedEx box and shipped to the United Kingdom, with Mr. Kyuzo falsely reporting her death. The only way to get her old memories back was if she heard the trigger words; “Ocean Bacon”. After being shipped to the Gorillaz studio, Noodle hopped out of her box, performed a guitar solo that was described as “200 demons screaming in Arabic“, and soon replaced Paula Cracker as the guitarist of the band, which would soon be more like a family to her, or the closest thing she’s ever going to get to a family, despite how dysfunctional they really are. Over the course of her time with the Gorillaz, Noodle would have experience after experience, eventually getting her memories back as well, leaving the band to find more about her past, coming back, and several other odd adventures that are too lengthy to list here. Instead, let’s take a look at some weapons. |-| Tommy Gun= Ah, a predictable weapon, but it's been tested with time. The Tommy gun that Noodle carries is your stereotypical mobster kind of gun, with a fifty round drum magazine. Noodle is proficient enough with this weapon to be able to shoot a pilot in a combat plane, while it was charging right towards her and shooting at her. The gun weighs ten pounds, is 34 inches and takes .45 ACP ammo. |-| Katana= Obviously a Japanese supersoldier, or a supersoldier of any kind, is nothing without a melee weapon to demolish people with. This fancy katana is what Noodle used to kill a demon king a long time ago, but...that's not important now, so don't worry about it. The katana is around two feet in length, and Noodle has exceptional skill with it. |-| Superhuman Physicality= Noodle is, by all means, a superhuman, though she's not too far into the superhuman spectrum, in some ways. When she was only eight years old, she jumped twenty feet into the air, destroying the current world record for a vertical jump, and when she was only a couple of years older, she was able to overpower Russel in a fight, and he completely towers her. She, along with the rest of her band, is able to fight zombie gorillas, and was able to survive a car explosion without too much issue. Gluk'oza |-| Gluk'oza/Bio= Unfortunately, I'm not able to tell you much about this woman, though I can sort of go into detail...just slightly? Gluk'oza, in reality, is a persona for a Russian musician who has the same stage name, so...not exactly the best persona. Gluk'oza's backstory is mostly shrowded in mystery, but her recent events are still there, and can be viewed alongside some pretty catchy Russian tunes. She seems to have a group of friends who are just as hardcore as she is who follow her around and cause chaos alongside her. Whether she's a vigilante or just someone who wants to have fun is up for debate, but if you cross her path...well, god help you. |-| Skorpion-like gun= The music video that Gluk'oza uses this weapon in seems to take place in the future, which is why it's a bit difficult to narrow down what kind of gun it is, but given the girl's background and nationality, it's safe to assume it's an odd, futuristic version of the Skorpion, so I'm going to be giving the statistic of that gun, so we have something to compare it to. This specific Skorpion is going to have a thirty round magazine and take .380 ACP cartridges. |-| Two Katanas= Originally I was only going to give her one katana, but there’s been a request to give her both of them and I am one to please. Gluk’oza’s main melee weapons are dual katanas. Made of steel and around two feet long. These are one of the Russian superstar's most trusted weapons, and she uses them just about every other chance she can get. |-| Grenades= Used in the same video where she had used the futuristic Skorpion, Gluk'oza seems to have a grenade which can be...potent in interesting ways. When she used it against the crime boss that she was hunting down (or presumably a crime boss), he got the explosion right in his face, but he didn't exactly get blown up. Instead, his eyes disintegrated and he was left blind to deliver the finishing blow, so it seems like that's it's main purpose? It's an odd way to use a grenade, but there's no shrapnel otherwise so it doesn't seem like it has a lot of killing potential, only blinding potential. X Factors Experience Noodles experience goes far back, being trained to be a Japanese super soldier at an early age. Not only that, but she’s also bore witness to the attack on Plastic Beach by the Boogieman’s armies as well as being attacked by helicopters. Noodle had cleared all of Kong Studios from a zombie infestation and fought several zombie gorillas with her band members. She also assassinated an ancient demon that she released from a clam, during her hiatus from Gorillaz. Gluk’oza, meanwhile, has a wide range of experience herself. She personally lead armies in combat against, um...pig nazis, broke into highly protected facilities, fought the first wave of an alien invasion, fought an underground infestation of vampire like creatures, and killed a druglord and his other men quite easily. Skill Noodle has shown many impressive feats of skill over the years, such as assassinating a demon lord, who became a heavily guarded Japanese crime lord at the time, besting Russel at wrestling when she was only a child. She also has the ability to shoot down the pilot of a fighter jet while on the ground, reacted to long range gunfire, and beat Cyborg Noodle in a fight (albeit the details are a bit rusty), when Cyborg Noodle is meant to be exactly like her, including combat and intelligence wise. Gluk’oza, meanwhile, has shown skill of her own. Being able to take down entire hordes of aliens with minimal support, could fight vampire-like creatures, security guards, and pig soldiers in both armed and unarmed combat. It seems her main skills is shown in hand to hand and swordfighting. The Battle Chelyabinsk, Russia January 22nd, 2010 The bar was mostly empty, an uncommon site in the area around here, but when it's midday you don't tend to have a lot of people trying to drink your problems away, and that's what the girl in the very back of the establishment was hoping. She bought a soda, nothing special, just something to quench her thirst, as she looked over some of the news reports. Something about a giant mech being piloted by a little girl, crazed people with swords claiming to be Ancient Hebrews. The hell was this world coming to. The woman, a Russian Popstar by the name of Gluk'oZa, sighed and took a sip of her soda, lips pursed around the straw as she stared at the paper. Then, she heard the door to the bar open. Her ears perked up and she glanced up from her paper, only to find a girl who was likely shorter than her, and wearing a strange, feline-like mask and an even odder looking get up. What really made the girl stand out, though, was the fact that she was holding a katana in one hand, and a suitcase in the other. The strange woman walked to the front counter and called over the worker by tapping her katana on the desk. The worker didn't give it much thoguht as she walked over to the woman. She didn't wait to be asked anything. She just said a single word in a soft voice that had a British accent to go with it. "Coffee." "Mmhmm. And a name I can call on when it's ready?" "Noodle," She said, the mask refusing to convey any type of emotion. The conversation made the pop star even more confused, though. What kind of person was named Noodle? Sound like a stupid name... Eventually, Gluk'oZa took her mind off of the strange visitor as her attention turned to the music that was currently playing. She smiled slightly. It was her music. Call her a bit vain, but she liked it when others played her music in public, and it wasn't even her doing. The jukebox in the middle of the bar was playing it by the time she had stepped inside, and had been for a while now. She wasn't sure if it was programmed or if they actually played whole albums, but it was nice. That is, until the music was suddenly cut off, and instead of something plesant to listen to, the music was completely changed to some...well, somone speaking English. Her English was rusty, so she didn't quite understand all of it. She frowned and looked up at the jukebox. "It's dare." Gluk'oza’s furrowed and confused expression turned to one of annoyance as she turned to look at the music box. Sure enough, that Noodle girl was standing near the jukebox, now leaning on the jukebox and singing along to the song, her mask moved to the side slightly to reveal her mouth. The Russian huffed and stood up from her table, walking over to the jukebox. Noodle glanced at her as she approached the music box, and Gluk'oZa could feel eyes staring at her the whole time as she tried to find a different song to play. Something better, please and thank you. This jukebox seemed a bit more modernized, actually having a button to play some of the previous songs. She pressed that a few times and stopped it. It took a moment, but music started up again. "Глю'козы - девочки!" The pop star smiled and turned her back on both Noodle and the jukebox as she walked back to the desk, humming to the tune of the song as she walked to her table and took a sip of her drink. She pulled her bag up off the floor and looked at the contents. Her katanas, her gun, and a couple of grenades, and a few shurikens. She knew that she probably shouldn't be holding these on her, but her life was so crazy that she never knew when she was going to need to shoot someone. Just as she was looking at her arsenal, the music changed again. With practically a record scratch this time. She froze and looked back to the jukebox, and the girl standing next to it, who was now staring at her with a tilted head. She let out a sigh, getting further annoyed, as she walked over to the jukebox. "There's a plastic tree..." Noodle didn't stop her, but Gluk'oZa could feel the disapproving look from the girl. Like she really cared. This girl was too strange for Gluk'oza to care about her opinion. After a few more button presses, the music changed once again. She gave a glare to the masked woman before moving back to her table as the music started up. "А ты красиво вошёл.." She hadn't only just gotten back to her seat for a few seconds before the music suddenly changed and was replaced with something that wasn't even music, but instead some wild laughter, causing Gluk'oZa’s eyes to widen, until the laughter faded out, and then... ''"Feel good..." '' The pop star was now officially irritated. She turned around to see that Noodle was now...sipping a coffee? When did she get that? She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the woman. What was this girl's deal? "Why are you changing the music?" The mask stared at her for several seconds before Noodle slowly shrugged, and Gluk'oZa notice the katana was still in the woman's hands. Was she looking for a fight or something? And then, the woman spoke. A soft voice spoke only two words in response. "It's bad." That made the Russian start to see red as she dug her hand into her bag. She pulled out three shurikens and tossed them towards Noodle. Noodle leaned back and they flew past her. She stared at the spot where they were embedded into the wall, which gave Gluk'oZa enough time to reach into her bag and pull out her other weapons. Call her petty, but damn she was annoyed now. Noodle looked back at the Russian just in time for her to begin to fire her guns. Within just a second, bullets started flying, and Noodle hurried away. She slid across the table she was standing next to, grabbing her suitcase mid slide and hopped over the bar the moment her feet touched the ground again. Noodle didn't show herself after that, and the Russian took this as the chance to get behind cover herself. She moved over behind the jukebox and made sure that her gun was fully loaded. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She certainly got herself in a mess this time. Gluk'oZa popped up over the jukebox and noticed that Noodle was right there, armed with a tommy gun and aiming it right at her. Her eyes widened and she ducked behind the machine as bullets riddled the air and the wall behind her. She cursed under her breath before popping up once more and firing bullets towards Noodle. The bullets hit the wall behind the Japanese girl, as well as the bottles that were on display at the bar, causing different kinds of alcoholic beverages to spill out, some spraying the girl in the back of the head. She groaned and armed herself with her katana. She waited for the bullets to stop before hopping out behind cover. Gluk'oZa was in the middle of reloading when the Gorilla hopped out. Noodle charging right at her. She holstered her gun and pulled out one of her grenades. She pulled the pin and tossed it to Noodle in an undertoss motion. The super soldier's reflexes took over and she caught it. Wait... She stared at it for a second too long before she quickly dropped it and turned her back towards it. The flash filled the entire room in a miniature explosion of light. Noodle heard a ringing in her ears, but quickly opened her eyes, just to see Gluk'oZa standing in front of her. She couldn't stop the resulting kick to her torso. Noodle was sent back and slammed into the jukebox. By the time she recovered herself, a sword was heading right towards her. She closed her eyes and waited for strike that never came... "Оля не довольна Мерседесом..." Noodle's eyes opened for a moment and she noticed that the sword missed her head just barely and stabbed itself into the jukebox, causing the songs to change. She blinked and stared at Glukoza, who was smirking like she had really won the fight. "Truce?" The Russian asked, not getting rid of that silly smile. Noodle let out a laugh and slowly stood up. Gluk'oZa stepped back to give the girl room, but that was her mistake. Noodle did a quick bicycle kick and slammed her foot into the bottom of the girl's head. The Russian pop star was sent flying, bashing up against the ceiling before falling down. "Bitch!" Gluk'oZa cursed before standing up with her two katanas at the ready. She charged forward, and swung her two blades. They hit Noodle's blade and the two of them fought for dominance in the sword battle. Noodle won, however, and easily pushed the Russian back. Gluk'oZa stumbled back, but swung her blades once more, this time in an X shape. Noodle wasn't able to stop one of the blades, and it hit her in the arm, causing a nasty gash and blood to pour out. She winced and quickly batted the two blades away with a powerful strike. She moved forward and slashed diagonally, leaving a nasty gash on the Russians shoulder, leading down to her chest. Gluk'oZa screamed out in pain and gritted her teeth before trying to slash the girl once again. The three blades clashed continuously as the girls maneuvered around one another before, eventually, they had made a 180 rotation of their positions, with Noodle now facing the jukebox, and Gluk'oZa with her back to it. Noodle had the mind to finish the fight now. She swipped her katana towards one blade with enough force to knock it out of the Russian's hand. This stunned the girl for a moment, and Noodle took the opportunity to slash her arm holding the other sword, causing her hand to lose grip on the weapon. With her opponent now disarmed, Noodle delivered a powerful kick to the girl, and Gluk'oZa was slammed backwards roughly, into the jukebox. The sword came towards her and, like she had done with Noodle, it instead stabbed the jukebox. The song changed once again. "Get the cool shoe shine..." Noodle giggled and took a step back before offering a hand to Gluk'oZa, her katana firmly in her other hand. With no other weapons to really rely on, Noodle was taking it easy. "Truce?" Gluk'oZa glared daggers at the Japanese girl before reluctantly letting out a sigh and grabbing her hand. She used it to pull herself up and examined herself. Well, she could have gotten much worse injuries from that. Noodle must have been making sure not to hurt her too badly. "Yes, truce." Noodle seemed to smile under that mask. That is, until the two of them could hear sirens off in the distance. They both stopped for a moment and looked around. Tables were blown away from the grenade explosion, bullet holes riddled the walls...it didn't look plesant. "That's my cue to leave!" Noodle ran away from the pop star and towards the back door of the bar. Gluk'oZa's eyes widened as she watched the girl leave. "Wait, hold on!" By the time she could get herself moving, Noodle was gone, and only a second later, a police man kicked down the door. "Police! Hand in the air!" "Ah, shit," Gluk'oZa muttered before slowly turning around with her hands slowly raising. This wasn't going to be fun to read about in the tabloids.... Expert's Opinon While Gluk'oZa was a powerful opponent who had the experience and skill to punch high in her power level, Noodle was simply the better warrior, with actual super soldier training, while Gluk'oZa had no training whatsoever. Noodle's superhuman physicality would also net her the win in this fight. Category:Blog posts